By Teri Brown
When a man initially hears that his wife is pregnant, the first question out of the block is generally, “Is everything OK?” Running a close second, however, is, “What about sex during pregnancy period?”
Sex can be a touchy subject during pregnancy. A woman’s hormones fluctuate wildly and she can either be almost aggressive in her need for sex or completely resistant to the idea. Your mission during your wife’s pregnancy is to pretty much go with the flow and remain sensitive to her needs.
Rhea Palmer’s husband fulfilled his mission admirably. “He was never a whiner when it came to wanting intimacy, but I didn’t turn down sex during pregnancy, either, until I had to,” says Palmer, mother of one from Oakland, Tenn. “We enjoyed it up until the point where it became uncomfortable and after that he had absolutely no problem abstaining until we were able to pick it up again after our son was born. He didn’t want to risk any problems.”
In the Beginning…
According to Dr. Jacques Moritz, the director of gynecology at Roosevelt Hospital in Manhattan, couples are often concerned about having sex in the first trimester. “Consciously or unconsciously, men are often worried about miscarriage during the first trimester,” Dr. Moritz says. “They may pull away from their wives during this time. They are often fearful that their penis will somehow hurt the baby. I tell my patients concerned with this that their penis isn’t as big as they think it is!”
Also during the first trimester, their wives may be suffering from morning sickness and may not feel very sexual, anyway. Dr. Moritz says it is important to be particularly sensitive to their wives during this time. “It is your job to make them feel desirable even when they feel horrible,” he says. “But don’t push the sex issue. They don’t need any extra pressure on them during a time when their bodies are going through so many changes.”
Sex during pregnancy is one of those topics everyone has an opinion about. Old wives’ tales caution against it, while others say sex is never better than while pregnant. Amidst the gossip and misinformation is an undercurrent of worry: Could sex trigger a miscarriage or possibly harm the baby?
Alana Morales, a mother of two from Mesa, Ariz., says sex was vastly different during each of her two pregnancies. During the first pregnancy, she and her husband were concerned that sex might hurt the baby, but because her drive was so strong, they convinced themselves otherwise. During her second pregnancy, she had some medical issues that made sex more uncomfortable, and the drive that motivated her during her first pregnancy was noticeably missing.
“I was way too tired,” says Morales, of sex during her second pregnancy. “Plus, I was asked once during the second pregnancy to abstain, due to some bleeding, but it was only for a short period of time.”
Since each pregnancy is different, it only makes sense that sexual activity should be adjusted to address those differences.
Is Sex Safe During Pregnancy?
In general, experts agree that engaging in sexual intercourse is safe during a healthy, normal pregnancy.
“Unless there is a problem with bleeding, premature labor, leakage of fluid or early dilation of the cervix, women can have sex right up until they arrive at the delivery floor,” says Dr. Jacobson. “Despite common misconceptions, pregnant women do not need to refrain from engaging in a healthy sexual relationship with their partner.”
Dr. Shoshana Bennet, author of Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression (Moodswings Press, 2003) agrees.
“It is very safe for a pregnant woman to have sex,” says Dr. Bennet. “As a matter of fact, unless there is a particular medical concern, having intercourse close to her due date actually helps the process – the prostaglandins and sperm ripen the cervix!”
So not only can partners engage in sexual intercourse, it can actually be beneficial!
Though Dr. Bennet says that the effect of sex on a pregnant woman’s mood varies because of biochemical factors, sex can make a woman feel much better emotionally.
“If she is feeling a lack of confidence due to a poor body image, the love and interest of her husband can definitely boost her mood,” says Dr. Bennet.
When to Avoid Sex During Pregnancy
According to Dr. Bennet, if a pregnant woman has extremely high blood pressure, her doctor will probably advise her not to have sex. A woman diagnosed with partial placenta previa should avoid intercourse as well. Abnormal vaginal bleeding is another indicator that sex should be avoided.
“A pregnant woman with a physical condition such as sciatica or a severe case of varicose veins would most likely avoid intercourse due to the pain,” says Dr. Bennet.
Some doctors also believe that sex should be avoided if the mucous plug has been dislodged. The mucous plug acts as a barrier to bacterial contamination, and having sex may expose both mother and fetus to infection.
If you have been diagnosed with any sort of medical condition that may affect the pregnancy or the health of the child, the safety of sexual intercourse should be discussed with your health care provider.
Safe Sex During Pregnancy
Attention all of you soon-to-be dads! Here is the information you’ve been waiting to hear: “Sex is safe for most women throughout their pregnancies,” says Dr. Helen Rhodes, an obstetrician/gynecologist at the Hillcroft Medical Clinic Association in Houston, Texas.
In some instances, it’s even recommended. “If I have a patient at the end of her pregnancy who is ready to have the baby, I tell her to go home and have sex,” says Dr. Teresa Hoffman, an obstetrician/gynecologist at Mercy Hospital in Baltimore, Md. “The prostaglandin found in the semen can cause the uterus to contract.”
However, there are times when your obstetrician might recommend avoiding sex. “If a patient is experiencing the signs of a threatened miscarriage (bleeding), then abstinence may be prescribed,” says Dr. Rhodes. “Other clinical situations where sex should be avoided include premature rupture of the membranes, threatened preterm labor, placenta previa (where the placenta is covering the cervix) and hypertensive disorders.” Check with your obstetrician if you have questions regarding these conditions.
Keeping the Spark Alive
Many women feel more sexual during their pregnancy because of fluctuating hormones and an increased sense of voluptuousness due to body changes. Some women may also feel an increased need for the affirmation that satisfying lovemaking with their partner can give.
Dr. Adelaide Nardone, advisor to The Vagisil Women’s Health Center and an obstetrician at Women’s and Infants Hospital in Providence, R.I., believes a caring sexual relationship with a partner is one of the most important mood lifters a pregnant woman can get.
“A healthy intimate relationship with your partner is an important component of a woman’s overall feeling about herself and her pregnancy,” says Dr. Nardone. “Continuing some intimacy with a partner who she loves makes her feel better about herself, her body and her unborn child.”
Content provided on this site is for educational purposes only and should not be construed to be medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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